Art, Fantasy, Fiction, Trickster

Flash: The first wish…

HM15 003


“We wish our calendar worked…properly.”

“I thought you were going to lose a wish then. Why doesn’t your calendar work properly?”

“We never know how many days there are in the month.”

“Isn’t there a rhyme?”

“There is a rhyme but it isn’t a true mnemonic so that doesn’t work properly either.”

“But what do you have against the calendar itself?”

“The twelfth month is called month ten, the eleventh month is called month nine, the tenth month is called month eight and the ninth month is called month seven… it’s incredibly confusing… and it is too Roman.”

“Too Roman?”

“The Romans departed these shores many hundreds of years ago, yet we still have a January and a June, not to mention a March, and even more despicably we still have a July and an August.”

“For that matter, you also have a February, but why, ‘even more despicably’?”

“We might not mind months being named after numbers, we might not mind months being named after Gods or Goddesses, so long as they are our Gods and Goddesses, but we severely object to months being named after people.”

“What, even if those people regarded themselves as Gods?”

“Especially if those people regarded themselves as Gods.”

“Okay… okay. So what do you suggest?”

“We get rid of July and August altogether…”

“Consider it done. Now what?”

“We lengthen each of the ten remaining months.”

“By how many days?”

“Each and every month of our year should be thirty-six days long.”

“Consider that done too, however I probably need to point out at this juncture that seven doesn’t go into thirty-six.”

“That’s okay we’re going to lengthen the weeks too.”

“To what?”

“To nine days.”

“Each and every month then will be four, nine-day, weeks long. What about names for the extra days of the week?”

“Well we’re certainly short of an Earth day and, as we have a ‘twins day’ already, but only one, we could have an extra Tuesday and call it Onesday…”

“Onesday!” chortled the hairy creature. Its hairs stood out on end and it started rolling on the ground in mirth, collecting dead leaves and tree debris like a multicolored hedge-pig.

“You’re just not used to it that’s all.”

“Even so,” laughed the hairy creature, climbing to its feet. Its hair retracted and the dead leaves and tree debris drifted back to earth.

“It’ll get smoothed and shortened by time and usage like water rounding rock and then you won’t even notice its strangeness.”

“Perhaps,” said the creature, “but where is your Earthday going?”

“Between Sunday and Monday.”

“And Onesday goes before Tuesday?”

“You’re getting the hang of this. Oh, by the way…”


“The two extra days are both non-working days.”

“I can see this being a very popular idea but you now have three days off work, go to work for a day and then have another day off work, and whilst you are sorting that little lot, your new year is only three hundred and sixty days long.”

“That’s okay,  we’ll have Saturday, Sunday, Earthday, and Monday as the ‘weekend’ and we’ll have five unnumbered intercalary days like the Egyptians.”

“And where are you going to put them?”

“We’ll have two at Christmas… one on either side of the Winter Solstice, we’ll have one in Spring after the Spring Equinox, one in Summer… before the Summer Solstice and one in Autumn after the Autumn Equinox.”

“And in leap years?”

“We’ll have another day in Summer after the Summer Solstice.”

“Anything else?”

“The intercalary days will be regarded as ‘outside time’ and will be public holidays. They’ll also need to be juggled slightly in alternate years.”

“I can see that. Okay, virtually done, but let’s see how this changes things for you.”…

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