Look, I’m cute, right? I’m not imagining it, am I? Small, furry… long swishy tail, fluffy ears, big brown eyes? All the hallmarks of cute.
Then we can look at the other qualifications… efficient early warning system, food disposal unit, boon companion… let’s not forget that I’m better than an exercise machine, foot warmer and cushion plumper all rolled into one.
Then there’s all the talent… artist, writer, blogger… and I’m pretty good with a ball too. As for the rest, that combination of philosopher and clown usually does the trick.
So, I have to ask… how come I’m being ignored????
“Not now, girly.” “Wait a minute.” And “In a while…”
That’s all I’ve had from her the past two days. When she’s not at work she’s hogging the keyboard and staring at the screen as if there are cats on the loose in there.
Not good enough, I tell you!
I mean, okay, we’ve had the usual walks and stuff. And she still remembers to scratch my ears… and anything else I present to her… but I’ve had to remind her about every meal… well, mine anyway. She hasn’t bothered, she’ll turn into a monkey if she keeps eating bananas, you know. It’s not what I’d call a varied diet and there’s nothing interesting for me to acquire either! She did remember to give me a pig’s ear though. Other than that and my own meals, the best I am getting is my bit of milk when she makes coffee.
I keep taking her the ball and she keeps forgetting about it till I stare her into submission. I’ve tried sulking, but she hasn’t noticed. I dug the sofa cushions up… and she didn’t even mind… what is a girl to do with a two-legs like that??
I did a bit of gardening to while away the time… she noticed that. Eventually. Mainly because of the paw-prints. And the apple. Well come on, if she’s going to grow little round green things, what does she expect??
It got her attention for a bit anyway.
I finally worked it out though. It’s the ‘e’ word again… editing. She’s always completely gone when she starts that lark. She wants to read those books again… the ones for the School… the ones that talk about fixation… hrmph…
I think I’ll go and moult all over her carpet.
Disgruntled of Waddesdon
Ani, the inimitable Small Dog, told of the trials of training her two-legs in ‘Notes from a Small Dog: Four Legs on Two‘. Their poetic adventures continued in ‘Laughter Lines: Life from the Tail End’.
Doggerel: Life with the Small Dog
Available now in paperback and for Kindle
In her latest collection of poems, their daily life together takes centre stage. From the perfidy of humans who insist on bathing dogs, to the unpunctuality of writers at mealtimes, the relationship between two legs and four is explored in verse.
The Small Dog reveals her continuing fascination with chicken, tennis balls and the compulsion to re-write Shakespeare, while exposing her two legs’ misdemeanours to the world.