She says I snore. In fact, she woke me up from a really good dream of chasing stuff by laughing at my snoring… or so she says. Now, if I do, I’ve never heard it… which is more than I can say for her. She snores sometimes. And sometimes she sounds like a hamster. Don’t ask me why. I’ve never met a hamster, but it sounds about right. Mind, don’t tell her I said that… last time we Had Words about the hamster pictures… She wasn’t pleased…
She says I smell too. Well, of course I do. I’m a dog… we are much better at smelling than you two-legses! Not that I think for a moment she meant it as a compliment. What does she want? I had a mud bath earlier! And she’s already made me have a few baths this year! Like, more than one… which is one too many in my opinion…
No, I know what she wants…and if she thinks she’s getting me in that tub again, she’s got another thing coming. I know her little game.
It used to be pretty easy for her. I’d always follow her upstairs… not usually allowed, so soon as I get a chance I’ll go and check around up there. I made the mistake of investigating the bathtub when she was filling it one day… Bad move. Ten minutes later I’m dripping and smelling of flowers! Well, that wasn’t happening again, so I got a bit cautious. She’s conned me with the leash, lured me with chicken and tennis balls and even pretended the bath was for her… and I fell for it every time.
This grooming lark… I can roll in the mud for a mud-pack, grass for deodorant and a really good scratch does my fur. What’s with all this smelly stuff and the brushes?
Thing is, I’m a dog. This two-legged sneakiness? It doesn’t resonate with us. We are loyal.. caring… open with what we are doing. We love you. We trust you… so we fall for it. ‘Specially when you lull us into a false sense of security and bribe us with chicken… “It’ll do you good,” she says. Yeah, right. And pigeons might chase tennis balls.
I do sort of get my own back sometimes… she’s had to get in the bath with me more than once… and always ends up soaked anyway. Last time she had to carry me upstairs… if you go all floppy it’s like you’ve glued yourself to the floor 🙂
So tonight I was relieved to see it was her bath she was running. I waited till she was wallowing and all soapy before I crept upstairs… I like to guard the door for her. And she’s talking to me all nice and friendly while she scrubs away, all about walks and birds ‘n stuff. Then, “Do you want a bath, Ani?” she says…!
Well! I shot her The Look and was down the stairs like a flash. I managed to squeeze right under her little chair in the corner and hid behind the curtain. I could hear he laughing up there, calling my name… It took all my strength to resist. She tired the Nice Voice, the soft, Squidgy Voice… even the Commanding Voice… But I was staying put. Not coming out.
And all I got from upstairs was… laughter.
Trouble is, I may have won that round… but if she thinks I need another bath this year, I’m going to have to tread careful…
You’ve got to watch her, you know.
Maybe she’ll let me off if I jump in the pond later?
Worth a try…